Bad Consumer Luck

Power Mac Product BoxI have a unique skill that, I think, many companies undervalue.

Well, it’s not a skill really. Perhaps a curse. Or a blessing, depending on how you look at it.

I have the ability to fuck shit up (pardon my vernacular). Well, it’s more about how things get screwed up around me.

I can break web sites, expose flaws in software, break down order processing systems, and affect flaws in products. Somebody should hire me for quality assurance and just pay me to live my consumer life. Everything that can go wrong, will.

In recent memory, there hasn’t been a shopping/shipping experience that has gone well for me:

  • Canadian Freightways destroyed some stuff I shipped through them from IKEA
  • Dell screwed up a shopping event that wasn’t even a shopping event
  • Canada Post consistently fails to service my house with packages (that one’s in the Ombudsman’s hands, now)
  • Bell Mobility constantly screws up my account
  • Bell Xpressvu can’t get anything right (but that’s not just me)
  • Two out of four products I recently ordered through Future Shop were faulty and it was a real pain to send them back

Based on all this bad consumer luck, I decided to make my major purchase of the year simple: I ordered and financed my new Apple kit directly through Apple Computer. Well… maybe that wasn’t such a great idea.

I placed my order, following financing approval from Apple Financial Services in Mississauga, on January 27. It still hasn’t shipped. I’ve been hassling my sales rep, Rich, for the past few days about it. He says it’s a problem with the way the financial services people are transferring (or not) the payment to Apple’s order centre. He knows I don’t care about the explanation, I just want my Power Mac shipped.

He stresses how unusual the situation is. Which makes my point. Apple should hire me to break every system they have. They should pay me money to just sit around and order stuff in all sorts of different ways. And, because I am me, there will be problems in the systems revealed. I’d be like a QA lucky charm. Everything that can go wrong with their systems will go wrong with one test subject in one fell swoop.

Then other companies should hire me to do the same. I’ll break everything, not because I mean to, just because of my bad consumer luck.

How do I market this?

2 thoughts on “Bad Consumer Luck

  1. if you do figure out how to market this skill, maybe i could become your apprentice? i have credentials:

    – my latest dell shopping experience was ok…aside from the painful conversation with daniel (yes, i spoke to the same guy – WHAT an accent…)
    – i, too have had to deal with c.p.’s non-delivery service (tho, i must mention that, when i ordered my last item from, a mailperson (mailwoman? postal delivery associate?) actually knocked on my door and put the parcel in my hand!)
    – i was pretty ticked when the bell sales guy failed to tell me, when i asked for a camera phone, that in the yukon THERE’S NO WAY TO GET THE PICTURES OFF THE PHONE
    – and don’t get me started on expressvu. again, i must (relucantly) give credit where it’s due: after a rather substantial fax package and 3 months of waiting, they finally did give me a credit for the ‘free’ installation, and the extra dish i had to buy. just wish i woulda known the hd pvr was coming out a couple months after i bought my hd reciever 😥
    – ahh…future shop….ordered a home theatre package from them (reciever & speakers). after running all the wires and hooking everything up, i realized my sub was defective. rather than undo an afternoon’s worth or work and pay approx. 25% of the purchase price in return shipping costs (they told me i had to return the entire order, even tho only the one component was defective), i decided to open sucker up and see what i could see – turned out the wire harness from the rear inputs to the main board was disconnected – easy diy job. then there was the blown fuse…but that’s another, very long story, and i have nothing but praise for the (canadian!) manufacturer (athena)

    hmmmm….maybe it’s a northern/yukon thing. maybe we could get a government research grant that’ll pay us to live our consumer lives and get to the bottom of this phenomenon….

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