I have a unique skill that, I think, many companies undervalue.
Well, it’s not a skill really. Perhaps a curse. Or a blessing, depending on how you look at it.
I have the ability to fuck shit up (pardon my vernacular). Well, it’s more about how things get screwed up around me.
I can break web sites, expose flaws in software, break down order processing systems, and affect flaws in products. Somebody should hire me for quality assurance and just pay me to live my consumer life. Everything that can go wrong, will.
In recent memory, there hasn’t been a shopping/shipping experience that has gone well for me:
- Canadian Freightways destroyed some stuff I shipped through them from IKEA
- Dell screwed up a shopping event that wasn’t even a shopping event
- Canada Post consistently fails to service my house with packages (that one’s in the Ombudsman’s hands, now)
- Bell Mobility constantly screws up my account
- Bell Xpressvu can’t get anything right (but that’s not just me)
- Two out of four products I recently ordered through Future Shop were faulty and it was a real pain to send them back
Based on all this bad consumer luck, I decided to make my major purchase of the year simple: I ordered and financed my new Apple kit directly through Apple Computer. Well… maybe that wasn’t such a great idea.
I placed my order, following financing approval from Apple Financial Services in Mississauga, on January 27. It still hasn’t shipped. I’ve been hassling my sales rep, Rich, for the past few days about it. He says it’s a problem with the way the financial services people are transferring (or not) the payment to Apple’s order centre. He knows I don’t care about the explanation, I just want my Power Mac shipped.
He stresses how unusual the situation is. Which makes my point. Apple should hire me to break every system they have. They should pay me money to just sit around and order stuff in all sorts of different ways. And, because I am me, there will be problems in the systems revealed. I’d be like a QA lucky charm. Everything that can go wrong with their systems will go wrong with one test subject in one fell swoop.
Then other companies should hire me to do the same. I’ll break everything, not because I mean to, just because of my bad consumer luck.
How do I market this?